Finals for Poly Year 1!!

I'M ENDING YEAR 1 OF POLYTECHNIC STUDIES SOON!

This is fast :'D
The year passed too fast.. With not much effort put into my studies in semester 1 and not much more in semester 2~

But now I'm studying! :D
I have started studying "Wildlife Conservation and Biodiversity" and "Cell Biology" :D
Well~ Because I have a retest and a class test respectively for these modules heh heh ^^"

I have other modules like "Animal Welfare and Behaviour", "Biostatistics" and "Inorganic and Physical Chemistry"[which I'm taking for the 2nd time 'cause I failed it last semester hurhur XD]

So yeah I'm too tired to study anymore.. IT'S 9PM DD:
Kay slacking mode on *click!*

baibai!

Life Should End

At the end of the day, it all boils down to one. simple. thing.

I'm not independant.
I'm still an infant in an 18 year old body.
I'm giving everyone around me troubles and problems.
I'm not progressing in academics.
I'm just not there.

Life should end.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Never Felt So..

So yeah I have never been so self-aware of myself being flat until I went for a little x-ray HEEHEE~
Okay some people might go "OHMYGOD why is this GIRL talking about such things on her blog?!"
Well, it's just to share my little experience so bear with me HAHAHAHA :DD

My mini card for a MRI scan this Tues~!
Doctor says it's just to complete the check up and he's not expecting anything serious :D

 

So yeah, I had to wear this gown without any upper clothes(AT ALL) for the x-ray.

And it had this slit down in the middle that shouldn't be a problem for big chested people 'cause they have support to lift the slit off their skin.

But for me, it was practically showing the skin above my sternum 'cause the word "cleavage" does not exist in my dictionary and I was like
"Oh God -left hand covers slit-"

THE LOWEST COLLAR MY SHIRTS EVER WENT WAS 3CM BELOW MY COLLARBONE.

Well, around there XDD

 

What's an MRI scan?

A scan that doesn't use radioactive substances but takes half an hour to an hour where I've to spend that time lying in a tunnel ._.

I'll start singing to myself by then..

 

KAY BYE! :D

What Now?

Okay wow this is like my second post for today XD
Just a few minutes after my previous post XD

Yeah I was browsing through Facebook when my friend's friend shared this photo, taken from 9Gag:

I guess it's related to my previous post..
The article above really touched my heart and reminded me of the many other things I can do, like volunteer work and part time jobs and housework.
But then again, how am I going to survive in this money-centred world, If I don't graduate with a proper degree and start working like I'm supposed to?

Is it during this time that I trust in God to provide for me?

So do I quit school and start doing what I want to do?
I don't know. I'm already dying in NP. It sucks.

Mou Yada.

I hate the fact that I'm wasting away my parents' money.

I hate the fact that I went against my own resolution to pay attention and buck up in lectures.

I hate the fact that I'm not feeling pressurized by exams like everyone else.

I hate the fact that I'm giving everyone false hopes about me becoming a vet.

I hate the fact that I have no motivation to study. No want. Feeling no need.

I hate the fact that I've reduced myself to this.

From an Ace in mathematics and sciences to a Failure.

I want to cry. Shout. Scream. Slap myself. Bite myself. Slit myself. Punch the walls. Jump out the window. Stay in bed all day. Shield myself with my blanket. Close my eyes and forget the world.

But they're all gonna waste the life I was given. Yet, what's the use when I'm already wasting it now..?

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Commitments

Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love you more and more
How I long~
To be deeper in.. love

During the last fellowship Sunday of 2012 held at my place,
we sang that song above.
It is our prayer, asking God to draw us closer to Him.
To help us to love Him more than ever before.
To look to Him and know he's there.
To lean unto Him at all times.
To love Him so much that everything we think or do, we will consider Him first.

Well, at least that's how I interpret it.
A fellow cell group mate shared with us how we should rededicate ourselves and our lives to God.
He didn't ask if anyone was having troubles or straying away.
No questions if anyone was lacking in love for God due to Earthly distractions.
But he just shared with us - like as if God spoke through him, that we should refocus our lives and visions around God, not just put Him first, but have everything revolving around Him.

ReadReadRead - "Isolation" by Lonely Islander

Isabelle just had a read on Lonely Islander's poem - Isolation~
Well yeah it's a simple title, easy enough for anyone to know what the poem is about.

I enjoyed reading it because all the words in each stanza were so relatable (except the last one, for now) and I personally love reading works that pour out my heart's thoughts that I myself can't pen down. (':

Second Stanza:

I have build up walls around my tiny self

Barriers to prevent anyone get close to me

The walls prevent sunlight and the fresh air

From reaching my invisible figure

They prevent the tweets of the early morning birds

From reaching my ears

They prevent the beauty outside

From reaching my vacant eyes

And they prevent all the love in this world 

From reaching my lonely heart.

Forth Stanza:

Sometimes I wonder 

'If I die of an unknown cause and they cut me open

Will their eyes pop out to see the blackness inside of me

I laugh at myself

Because I am the only one responsible for this

When they cut me open, will they know that?

 

 

Fifth Stanza(Last):

 

But no, not anymore

Because today  I will change

I am standing with dynamites in my cold hands

To bring these walls down

To break free and walk in the sun again

To feel the soft grass beneath my feet

And hear the sounds of this beautiful world

To scream and shout and live my life again

I will be alive again

I will learn to feel again

I will be myself again.

Unable to relate to the last stanza, for now. I will someday, I'm sure.
With God's guidance and my efforts. ^^