What is "Family"?

It was never like this. Never.
Didn't have to turn out like this. But it did.

What is becoming of this household? I do not know.
But I do know one thing - how I feel about it.

Suffocating.

This is becoming hard to handle. Difficult. Tiring. Suffocating.
Continuous backstabbing? Endless complains? It's not what a family should have. Especially not when it's your IMMEDIATE family members.

Come on.
Grow up.
If you're unhappy with one another, sit down, talk it out.
Worst comes to worse, SEPARATE!
It's fine by me. Honestly.
I would dare say, MUCH MORE bearable than the sarcasm and negative comments I've to put up with with a smile and get myself out of.

They say, the ones who suffer the most from a couple's separation are the children.
Well yes, for YOUNG kids mostly.
I'll be affected, but I won't suffer.
I won't be teased or cast out and all that immature kid stuff.

For me now, the comments and complains thrust with smiles and laughter(Which make them much sharper) are the most suffocating and suffering of them all.
"LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!"
Is that too much to ask for..?
Mom complaining about Dad's ego, complaining how this is not enough, always showing me the bad side of things, unconsciously putting me down on matters that I already feel I am playing my part in LIKE HELLO?! Added with exaggerations, put simply, ARE LIES, just to make us do something.

HELLO KID. DIDNT YOUR MOMMY TEACH YOU NOT TO LIE?
Ironically you're my mom, no?

Oh yes. I wonder if your insanity is genetically inflicted.
Maybe I inherited it from you.
HAHAHAHA.
No. A time long ago, I had never carried out the insane act of self-infliction. Maybe these genes just got switched on in the past year. ITS MANIFESTING HAHAHAHA.

and my sister. I'm sorry. I love you very much. And I'm glad you're not in self-denial of your ego. But admitting is not enough. you have to know when to stop.

I know. I'm not perfect either. THATS WHY I HATE. HATE. ABSOLUTELY HATE CRITICIZING OTHERS. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO DO THAT TO YOUR CLOSEST OF KIN?!?

My dad. I wish I could feel sympathy for him from all the negativitism(if there's the existence of such a word) he's receiving. but no. I can't. If you hadn't committed such great sin(I know all sins weigh the same but shut up) I could have stood up for you.

I'm stuck. I've got to remain neutral. Wtcrap? I don't want to put up with all these. I don't want to.

I never. I really never. Thought that one day. I would want to run away from home. I want to. But I'm afraid.

WTCRAP?

I'm afraid of EVERYTHING.
Even slapping myself continuous till these cheeks feel hot and swollen can't wake me up! WHY??

I want my happy childhood back.
When we knew nothing.
When we thought that mommy and daddy were such perfect loving parents who scolded us and smacked us but still loved us.
I want to be back to laughing and smiling like there wasn't a care in the world.

でもやっぱり。。むりですね？
へへへ。

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