Profound Simplicity.

http://dyenosores.blogspot.sg/2013/01/we-are-sitting-in-circle-perfect.html

So I read through some of Iggy's blog entries and the first part of this particular entry was one that I managed to comprehend HAHAHA omg I'm not saying you write badly!!
Your English is a really different standard from mine, which is a good thing!!
It's also one of the many reasons why you're an awesome friend SO KEEP GOINGGG XDD

Okay back to the point!

I can't fully relate to her entry, simply because I'm not the oldest grandchild in my family.
However, I can understand the idea she is trying to bring across.
I have two elder cousins, and they're both very very talented in their own ways.
They are really "protecting me" as said in Iggy's entry, because I'm not exactly expected to do something outstanding since I have two others before me.

That being said, I'm not using them as shields, it's just a blessing I was given by the grace of God! That's why I really love my cousins. I may do stupid thoughtless things, behave as a lazy cousin, but they still love me for me.

Conclusion? They are protection and love to me. That's called family. ((:

I was only typing in relation to one part of Iggy's entry. DO GO READ IT YOU PEOPLE WITH POOR ENGLISH -ThrowsInsultsToAgitateYou-

Kay bye! :D

I Pulled This Out

"W-Why? Why now? Why.. Why me?!" Itsuki screamed in her heart, where no one else heard her but herself, "SOMEONE.. Please just.. Tell me why.. Please.."




// A few hours ago //

Itsuki: -Stretches while thinking..- *Finally! Done with today's revision! I'm actually studying more than a week before exams.. Definitely a miracle..* Fuyuki!! What's for dinner??

Fuyuki: Call mom and ask her yourself...

Itsuki: Tchh.. Fine.. -Dials number, gets rejected- Ohhhkayy..


Mom comes home later that evening, greeted us upon her return and headed straight to her room.
Dad arrives late at night as usual. It was already considered a treat to see him once every 2 days or so.
Everything seemed fine.
That was what Itsuki thought.




// Current time period //

*Bell rings*

Itsuki: lunch!! I'm hungry...

Chizu: Let's go! I'm hungry too...


Itsuki and her 5 closest classmates headed off to nomnom.

It was back to school, everything had to be normal, it had to be, it must be.

Nothing can be said, nothing can be done.

Occassionally, Itsuki would slip out her tiny notepad that Junko[Pronounced June-ko btw XD] had given to her as a present before, and wrote short phrases that her mind had concocted which bothered her.

School went on.



// Back to previous flashback //

After having a very "nourishing" dinner the night before, nothing seemed particularly unusual. 

Until mom exploded. Not literally. But she just gave way.

Mom: WHY?! OKAY. TSUKI! YUKI! COME HERE NOW. WE'RE HAVING A TALK NOW. AS A FAMILY. NOW!!

Absolutely shocked and frightened of whatever was happening, they rushed out with hesitant footsteps.



So~ I found this in my blogger post drafts XDD
Nice incomplete story eh? :D
But since the matter has loong blown past, I can't rmr it well enough to continue writing this. I think.
TELL ME WHADDYA THINK MANZXC [Ah lian style].

Mont Blanc~!

 

 

DISH: Dessert Mont blanc $7.50

PLACE: Cawaii Koohi Maid Cafe @ Funan Digital Life Mall

FOOD REVIEW: This dessert is good! Really loved and enjoyed the creamy, smooth walnut piped cream! Flaw was that all the desserts on the menu weren't available, even though it was already past 1pm when we went! Plus, they still handed us the dessert menu. Something also gave me the hint that these were leftover cakes from yesterday when she said "The only desserts we have LEFT are.....". Also, the strawberry on my friend's maccha chiffon cake was shrivelled ._.

SERVICE REVIEW: Disappointing for a maid cafe. The waitress serving us was being so slack and letting words that deemed unfit, spill out of her mouth in our presence.. They were unstable in serving dishes as well.. but she did try to be friendly when speaking to us directly. Overall, the vibes I get are "I'll only give you excellent service if you're a bishounen(pretty boy) or bishoujo(pretty girl)"..

 

CONCLUSION: Not much different from a normal over-priced restaurant, really. Average service[Lack of understanding on available food, improper conduct] from the maid and butler we had today. The food was good though! I would try going again another time, HOPEFULLY, receiving better service[Efficiency, understanding of food available, proper conduct and more smiles without looking at us like we're idiots.] from different waitresses/maids and waiters/butlers.


*My experience may be different from yours cause we might've been served by diff people*

 

Finals for Poly Year 1!!

I'M ENDING YEAR 1 OF POLYTECHNIC STUDIES SOON!

This is fast :'D
The year passed too fast.. With not much effort put into my studies in semester 1 and not much more in semester 2~

But now I'm studying! :D
I have started studying "Wildlife Conservation and Biodiversity" and "Cell Biology" :D
Well~ Because I have a retest and a class test respectively for these modules heh heh ^^"

I have other modules like "Animal Welfare and Behaviour", "Biostatistics" and "Inorganic and Physical Chemistry"[which I'm taking for the 2nd time 'cause I failed it last semester hurhur XD]

So yeah I'm too tired to study anymore.. IT'S 9PM DD:
Kay slacking mode on *click!*

baibai!

Life Should End

At the end of the day, it all boils down to one. simple. thing.

I'm not independant.
I'm still an infant in an 18 year old body.
I'm giving everyone around me troubles and problems.
I'm not progressing in academics.
I'm just not there.

Life should end.

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Never Felt So..

So yeah I have never been so self-aware of myself being flat until I went for a little x-ray HEEHEE~
Okay some people might go "OHMYGOD why is this GIRL talking about such things on her blog?!"
Well, it's just to share my little experience so bear with me HAHAHAHA :DD

My mini card for a MRI scan this Tues~!
Doctor says it's just to complete the check up and he's not expecting anything serious :D

 

So yeah, I had to wear this gown without any upper clothes(AT ALL) for the x-ray.

And it had this slit down in the middle that shouldn't be a problem for big chested people 'cause they have support to lift the slit off their skin.

But for me, it was practically showing the skin above my sternum 'cause the word "cleavage" does not exist in my dictionary and I was like
"Oh God -left hand covers slit-"

THE LOWEST COLLAR MY SHIRTS EVER WENT WAS 3CM BELOW MY COLLARBONE.

Well, around there XDD

 

What's an MRI scan?

A scan that doesn't use radioactive substances but takes half an hour to an hour where I've to spend that time lying in a tunnel ._.

I'll start singing to myself by then..

 

KAY BYE! :D

What Now?

Okay wow this is like my second post for today XD
Just a few minutes after my previous post XD

Yeah I was browsing through Facebook when my friend's friend shared this photo, taken from 9Gag:

I guess it's related to my previous post..
The article above really touched my heart and reminded me of the many other things I can do, like volunteer work and part time jobs and housework.
But then again, how am I going to survive in this money-centred world, If I don't graduate with a proper degree and start working like I'm supposed to?

Is it during this time that I trust in God to provide for me?

So do I quit school and start doing what I want to do?
I don't know. I'm already dying in NP. It sucks.

Mou Yada.

I hate the fact that I'm wasting away my parents' money.

I hate the fact that I went against my own resolution to pay attention and buck up in lectures.

I hate the fact that I'm not feeling pressurized by exams like everyone else.

I hate the fact that I'm giving everyone false hopes about me becoming a vet.

I hate the fact that I have no motivation to study. No want. Feeling no need.

I hate the fact that I've reduced myself to this.

From an Ace in mathematics and sciences to a Failure.

I want to cry. Shout. Scream. Slap myself. Bite myself. Slit myself. Punch the walls. Jump out the window. Stay in bed all day. Shield myself with my blanket. Close my eyes and forget the world.

But they're all gonna waste the life I was given. Yet, what's the use when I'm already wasting it now..?

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Commitments

Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love you more and more
How I long~
To be deeper in.. love

During the last fellowship Sunday of 2012 held at my place,
we sang that song above.
It is our prayer, asking God to draw us closer to Him.
To help us to love Him more than ever before.
To look to Him and know he's there.
To lean unto Him at all times.
To love Him so much that everything we think or do, we will consider Him first.

Well, at least that's how I interpret it.
A fellow cell group mate shared with us how we should rededicate ourselves and our lives to God.
He didn't ask if anyone was having troubles or straying away.
No questions if anyone was lacking in love for God due to Earthly distractions.
But he just shared with us - like as if God spoke through him, that we should refocus our lives and visions around God, not just put Him first, but have everything revolving around Him.

ReadReadRead - "Isolation" by Lonely Islander

Isabelle just had a read on Lonely Islander's poem - Isolation~
Well yeah it's a simple title, easy enough for anyone to know what the poem is about.

I enjoyed reading it because all the words in each stanza were so relatable (except the last one, for now) and I personally love reading works that pour out my heart's thoughts that I myself can't pen down. (':

Second Stanza:

I have build up walls around my tiny self

Barriers to prevent anyone get close to me

The walls prevent sunlight and the fresh air

From reaching my invisible figure

They prevent the tweets of the early morning birds

From reaching my ears

They prevent the beauty outside

From reaching my vacant eyes

And they prevent all the love in this world 

From reaching my lonely heart.

Forth Stanza:

Sometimes I wonder 

'If I die of an unknown cause and they cut me open

Will their eyes pop out to see the blackness inside of me

I laugh at myself

Because I am the only one responsible for this

When they cut me open, will they know that?

 

 

Fifth Stanza(Last):

 

But no, not anymore

Because today  I will change

I am standing with dynamites in my cold hands

To bring these walls down

To break free and walk in the sun again

To feel the soft grass beneath my feet

And hear the sounds of this beautiful world

To scream and shout and live my life again

I will be alive again

I will learn to feel again

I will be myself again.

Unable to relate to the last stanza, for now. I will someday, I'm sure.
With God's guidance and my efforts. ^^

God Speaking?

When I'm feeling so unwanted, so uneeded and so forgotten by the one I've always liked, then another is always reappearing and making me feel like I'm actually worth something, what should I do..?

Is this God actually shoving my love path into my face? But I'm not heeding it because I'm afraid of ruining friendships and entering something I've never experienced before?

This is frustrating and scary but I'm very grateful I have the chance to mull over a matter like this (:

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